What exactly is consent?
According to the dictionary, “Consent is permission for something to happen or an agreement to do something.” Consent is when you ask your significant other whether it is okay for you to do something, whether it is coming to their house for dinner or having sex.
Consent is absolutely important, especially in today’s times, when a lot of people are cutting ties with their partners because of a lack of consent leading to conflict of interest.
Why is consent important?
1. It can affect how your significant other feels about you and the way things are in the relationship.
When you ask your partner for consent for sex or anything else which holds importance in your relationship, it shows that you care.
It shows that their opinion matters to you. It shows that you respect them and their ideals and morals and if they say ‘No’ it means ‘No’. Asking for consent from your significant other is a reflection of your personality and your morals.
2. It shows that you respect them.
Consent is important even for something like holding hands. If you and your partner are still in the early phases of your relationship, where you both are still not into Non-Verbal Communication stage (a stage in your relationship where you can understand each other without saying it out loud), consent is required.
Only when your partner agrees to something can you move forward with it. Asking for consent is not a sign of weakness, rather it shows that you respect them and the decision they make after you pose your question.
3. It is important for someone who has experienced past trauma
Consent isn’t just mandatory, it is an important part of the revival and healing process if your partner has been through past trauma or is experiencing PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). It shows that you are respectful of asking for consent in every step of the way in relationships.
4. It is crucial to create a safe space in the relationship
Consent is vital for your partner to know that any response or any opinion of theirs will be respected by you no matter what. When you and your partner know that consent is valued in the relationship, it will be far easier for your relationship to go ahead and both of you will be comfortable in it.
5. It creates an atmosphere of no judgement
Asking for consent shows that there is no pressure to agree to do something. When you and your partner coexist in a relationship, it is very important to show them that you will not judge their choices, which will help them in being more transparent with you. Consent shows that it is okay to say no to something you aren’t 100 percent on board with.
How to ask for consent?
A few examples of asking for consent are:
- “Is it okay with you if I do this?”
- “Are feeling good?”
- “Should I keep going further?”
- “Tell me if I need to stop.”
- “Are you comfortable with this?”
Ways of saying YES or NO
A few examples of saying YES or NO are:
- “No, I’m not okay with this.” / “Yes, I am okay with this.”
- “No, I don’t want you to do that.” / “Yes, I won’t mind if you do that.”
- “No, I don’t feel good.” / “Yes, I’m fine.”
- “No, please stop.” / “Yes, please go ahead.”
- “Yes, please stop.” / “No, don’t stop.”
It is consent if:
- The person is 100 percent ready to go-ahead
- They say ‘Yes’ without hesitation
- It is readily given
It is not consent if:
- The person is being pressured, and they reluctantly say ‘Yes’
- The person is not in a sound state of mind
- The person is drunk or high
Myths about consent:
1. It is not a sign of weakness.
Consent is never a sign of weakness. If you ask for consent, it doesn’t translate into you being too weak to go ahead. It means that you respect the other person and their opinion and will only go ahead if they agree.
2. Gender roles regarding consent
It is often assumed that only the male in the relationship or the more dominating person is the only one who gets to ask for consent. Their partner also needs to ask for permission in every step of the relationship.
3. You can only ask for consent if you are in a relationship
NO. It is not true that consent is only required when you are in a relationship. Consent can be asked from your friend, your parents, siblings, relatives and anyone else who you think needs to give you permission to do something.
– By Suhaani Hardikar
